Friday, June 24, 2011


Is it possible to visit a carnival and not partake in the thrill of eating Carnival Food? Seriously. Have you ever gone and not eaten anything? And yes, cotton candy counts.

If I had to say what my favorite attraction is, I'd have to answer, THE LINE at the snack bar.
Out of all the things to do at a carnival, the snack bar seems to be the safest. Perhaps that's why the snack bar always has the longest lines. 
Myself? I get in line within 8 minutes of arrival. The truth is, I'm not hungry then, but by the time I get up to the window, I will be.
Check out some Carnival Snacks:

**Fried Twinkie**

Someone in front of me in THE LINE once asked me if they sold frozen yogurt or fruit. The entire LINE  broke into hysterical laughter, pointing at the poor woman--obviously a novice. Plan on ingesting 600 grams of fat, minimum... and that's while your in LINE. No worries though, you'll walk it off as you drift from ride to ride...that's what I tell myself. Being a Jewish woman, I view exercise a bit differently than others. To me, a vigorous hike is the walk from the mall parking lot to Nordstroms. When there's a sale, I consider it a marathon and bump up the walk to a trot.

A little known Carnival Sociologist (AKA Carniologist) Flander Ufpenheimer (the f is silent) did a study that determined the following: 

No matter who you are, where you came from or which political party you identify with--once in the snack line, you become part of THE LINE. 

Your identity blends in and you are now considered a LINK in what I fondly call, THE CHAIN OF FAT. I hate to say this, but glance around when you're in THE LINE and consider this: 

1)the clothing your chain is wearing and

2) the size of the other 'links' in your chain.

I'm sorry to say that many judgments are made about a person based strictly on THE LINE you're seen in. Regardless of who you are in life, the bottom line is this: YOU ARE YOUR LINE. When someone sees you in THE LINE, you will automatically appear as a LINK, rather than your individual self. (See pic  below . I did not wear that outfit to the carnival. It was THE LINE, I tells ya. THE LINE.)

Me On Far Right

I recently went for a dental hygienist job interview and the employer and I hit it off ... when it was over, he implied the job was mine 

That evening, to celebrate, I took the kids to the carnival. 

Yes. I got impatient.

Yes, I was cocky.

Risking it all, that night I indiscriminately chose the shortest line. It just made sense. It was a Thursday evening. No one I knew would be at the carnival. No one except my almost employer. Who wants a dental hygienist with a fried twinkie stuffed her mouth and an order of nacho in her hand.

Hey, I'm telling the truth. Go to the carnival, see if I'm wrong. In the parking lot, check the bumper stickers:




and the always popular  MY CHAIN LINKED AN HONOR STUDENT. 

I know for certain,  I'm not the only one who has read the infamous, "Easy Rider. A Manual For The Carnival Novice."

Abe Cohen was so impressed with THE LINE dynamics, he changed his name to ABE LINKIN' During his presidency, (and this is a little known fact) he frequented Carnival Chains to stay in touch with the people. This famous quote was first heard as he advised a fellow link how to deal with a stinkin' linkin' ( LINE slang for someone trying to cut in front of THE LINE):

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm."  
                                                                                                          --Famous Abe 'Linkin' Cohen quote

Abe Cohen Linkin' triying to avoid recognition in THE LINE by wearing various disguises.

When my book, 



Days away from being released both on Amazon and Kindle, THE BEAUTIFUL EVIL is an edgy, psychological thriller. Coming attractions: ) 

becomes a best seller, I'm going to need a disguise, as well.

                        No disguise:

 The Once-I'm-Famous disguise for "THE LINE."

So, next time you go to the carnival, see you on the funnest ride of all:                                    


1 comment:

Frank C. Balara said...

Love your sense of humor and you look so cute in the line with the other links! Congrats on the new book! Can't wait to read it!